Past Kelly

As I sit here after two 12 hour days of computer touching for work and otherwise, I can’t help but be struck at what I’ve become.

Three years ago, I would have thought I was crazy. Not because I hated hard work. In fact, I used to work excessively hard but with equal part stupidity. The equivalent of digging a ditch with a spoon.

It’s not the effort that would strike past Kelly, it would be the seeming lackluster appeal of sitting at a desk all day drafting emails, writing training manuals, speaking with clients, sifting through data. Past Kelly would surely scoff at the seemingly abstract and futile nature of my work. That’s why I killed him.

There is nothing I know that is better for the soul than putting in long days to a meaningful pursuit. It is invigorating and spine tingling to know that you are on the cusp of a great discovery: internal or external. Food matters less, the petty drama the others choose to obsess over seems like a foreign culture.

Past Kelly wasn’t too obsessed with the petty drama, but he wasn’t above it. He simply didn’t know what to pump his effort into and as a result, became subject to the whims of  coincidence and more confident individuals.

It’s all good though. That’s how I had to learn. I’ll still have to learn that lesson again and again. And, probably again.

What we lack often follows us through life. Only we get better at naming it and fear hates being recognized.